Lessons From A Blue Jay

The other day a nasty mean conversation took place via text messaging between me and my 18 yo son’s step-mom.  I was trying to get a hold of my son’s dad to verify something with him but instead I get his wife texting me telling I am to no longer have any conversation with my son’s dad that my son is an adult and I need to let him be an adult and stop mothering him.

My son is trying to get into the Job Corps because he was told that this was his only chance in life of making something of himself.  Forgive me but you don’t say that to any child, let alone a high functioning autistic child.  My son’s dad took residential custody for the first time 1 1/2 years ago and took him off all his meds and his IEP….. therefore he didn’t graduate high school because Alabama apparently doesn’t have the 504 plan either. I guess they don’t believe in the “No Child Left Behind” Plan.  I could hate his dad and step-mom for dropping the ball on parenting for the only 1 1/2 years that they had him but I’m not. I understand that having an autistic child was more work than they could handle. After all, I did raise him on my own for 17 years so I know the struggles and challenges.

I rescued a baby blue jay from our front yard a couple of nights ago.  He was just hopping around not really able to fly. I thought he might have had a broken wing.  This afternoon I took him out to the ledge of our porch to see if he would take flight.  He just stood there looking around really not knowing what to do.  Out of the blue he starts listening intently towards some chirping and I find his momma up in the tree talking to him.  Little Jay Jay hopes down and goes over to the tree where is mommy is and tries to climb the tree to safety.  He is flapping his wings just like his mommy is telling him to.  It is then that I realize that he can’t fly yet even though he can spread his wings.  He still needs guidance from his mom even though she felt it was time for him to leave the nest.

The lesson I learned is that even when a child’s dad and step-mom feels it is time for the child to leave the nest and pushes him out does not mean that he can fly. He still needs direction and guidance before he can really take flight and SOAR.

“The Thing I Value Most”

At the back of our church bulliten there was a very touching story with a thought provoking message that I would like to share with you.

It had been some time since Jack had seen the old man. College, girls, career, and life itself got in the way.  In fact, Jack moved clear across the country in pursuit of his dreams. There, in the rush of his busy life, Jack had little time to think about the past and often no time to spend with his wife and son.  He was working on his future, and nothing could stop him.

Over the phone, his mother told him, “Mr. Belser died last night. The funeral is Wednesday.”

Memories flashed through his mind like as old newsreel as he sat quietly remembering his childhood days.

“Jack, did you hear me?’

“Oh sorry, Mom. Yes I heard you. It’s been so long since I thought of him. I’m sorry, but I honestly thought he died years ago.” Jack said.

“Well, he didn’t forget you. Every time I saw him he’d ask how you were doing.  He’d reminisce about the many days you spent over “his side of the fence” as he put it,” Mom told him.

“I loved that old house he lived it,” Jack said.

“You know, Jack, after your father died, Mr. Belser stepped in to make sure you had a man’s influence in your life”, she said,

“He’s the one who taught me carpentry,” he said. “I wouldn’t be in this business if it weren’t for him. He spent a lot of time teaching me things the thought were important… Mom, I’ll be there for the funeral,” Jack said.

As busy as he was, he kept his word. Jack caught the next flight to his hometown.  Mr. Belser’s funeral was small and uneventful.  He had no children of his own, and most of his relatives had passed away.

The night before he had to return home, Jack and his Mom stopped by to see the old house next door one more time.  Standing in the doorway, Jack paused for a moment. It was like crossing over into another  dimension, a leap through space and time.  The house was exactly as he remembered. Every seip help memories. Ever picture, every piece of furniture….. Jack stopped suddenly.

“What’s wrong, Jack?” his Mom asked

“The box is gone.” he said

“What box?” Mom asked

“There was a small gold box that he kept locked on top of his desk. I must have asked him a thousand times what was inside. All he’d ever tell me was “the thing I value most.” Jack said.

It was gone. Everything about the house was exactly how Jack remembered it, except for the box.  He figured someone from the Belser family had taken it.

“Now I’ll never know what was so valuable to him.” Jack said. “I better get some sleep. I have an early flight home, Mom.”

It had been about two weeks since Mr. Belser died. Returning home from work one day Jack discovered a not in his mailbox. “Signature required on a package. No one at home. Please stop by the main post office within the next three days,” the not read.

Early the next day Jack retrieved the package.  The small box was old and looked like it had been mailed a hundred years ago.  The handwriting was difficult to read, but the return address caught his attention.

“Mr. Harold Belser” it read

Jack took the box out to his car and ripped open the package.  There inside was a gold box and an envelope. Jack’s hands shook as he read the note inside.

“Upon my death, please forward this box and it’s contents to Jack Bennett. It’s the thing I valued most in my life.” A small key was taped to the letter. His heart was racing, as tears filling his eyes, Jack carefully unlocked the box.  There inside he found a beautiful gold pocket watch.

Running his fingers slowly over the finely etched casing, he unlatched the cover. Inside he found these words engraved:

“Jack, Thanks for your time! – Harold Belser.”

“The think he valued most…was…my time.”

Jack help the watch for a few minutes, then called his office and cleared his appointments for the next two days.   “Why?” Janet, his assistant asked.

“I need some time to spend with my son,” he said. “Oh, by the way, Janet….. thanks for your time”….

 

After having read that it got me to thinking about the ones I have thanked for their valuable time.  Have I even thanked anyone? I don’t think I have really thought too much about the time people spend with me .  Have you thought about the time people spend with you?  Is it valuable? Is it worth a “Thank You”?  Just something to think about.

God Bless and Choose Faith Over Worry,

Amy

 

 

National Lampoon’s New Year’s Vacation Cantrell Style

My vacation started at 4pm December 28th, 2011, when my good friend, Kristi Ware (AKA Kristi The Zoo Keeper on WordPress) picked me up from work. We already had it planned out.. We were going to ride in an SUV with 3 adults, 2 teenagers, and two 7 month old Pit/Boxers.  What could go wrong?  WELL………….

We got to her house without any complications except when she picked me up and  I tried to get in said SUV the passenger door closed hard on my right leg.. no problem, except for the bruise that was immediatly forming on my thigh.  As if that is bad, Kristi goes to put gas in the vehicle and bumps her forehead on the outside of the vehicle (AKA The Dark Knight). I blame her accident as being a blond moment, mine was just plan moron moment.

When we get to Kristi’s house (AKA The Zoo)and get my bags carried in I finally sit down for a breather and out of nowhere I get mauled by 2 very excited Pitties that want to jump and play around. I was up for it as I was already missing my baby girl, Sassy the Boxer, and was craving some play time with doggies.  They also have 6 cats but I am allergic to cats so I don’t really mess around with them TOO much. There are a couple of the cats that I will love on a bit with minor allergy problems but am willing to endure any allergy problems for any of the Zoo exhibits.

As we get the Pitties calmed down Kristi and I, well… mainly Kristi, fixes some Chicken Fried Rice.  It was sooooooooo sooooooooo good. After sending the 2 teenagers to bed Kristi, her dad Kenneth Cantrell, and I sit down to play some poker.  It was fun learning all the different ways to play. I had never played poker but when I started winning neither Kristi or her dad was convinced of that.  Time for nighttime and Beka chooses to sleep with us. She finds herself snuggled between Kristi and I.  Unknowing to me until the next morning I guess I started petting Kristi’s head during the night  thinking it was Beka. Too funny.

December 29th, 2011….. I get up and get ready for the day.  Kristi and I take Beka out to play ball.  I like to chase Sassy around so I start to chase Beka around trying to catch her.  That went on for a little bit until all of a sudden there was what sounded like a shotgun and I went down.  Apparently I stepped in a hole that Beka dug and snapped my ankle.  I roll around on the ground holding my ankle trying not to pass out from the pain.  Ken comes out and helps me in the house to sit down.  Kristi hurries to find an ankle wrap.  She told me I won the “First Injury Of The Day” award.

I begin to rest my foot but still continue to walk on it because nothing I mean NOTHING was going to keep me from missing this trip.  As it got closer to lunch time Kristi heated me up some of her wonderful homemade gluten-free corn dogs.  I eat gluten-free food anytime I am with Kristi for two reasons: 1) to prevent cross-contamination and 2) because gluten-free foods taste pretty dang good.. they taste pretty awesome actually and Kristi makes the best corn dogs.

Kristi and I spend the afternoon cleaning her bedroom, well Kristi cleaned her room and I was forced to do nothing but watch her.  Beka was upstairs with us while Daine was downstairs with Kenneth.  I was getting tired so I laid down on the floor with Beka. Reminded me of how me and my service dog, Chug, would lay together.

I finally decided that I wanted to go downstairs and rest for awhile when about 3am I get woke up saying we are going to load up and get going.  We load up the “turtle” on top of The Dark Knight and put all the stuff needed for the dogs and both mine and Kristi’s turtles that include our computers, books, and cameras up front with us.  As we get on our way leaving Oswego, Ks, I quickly fall asleep and only remember bits and parts of the trip on the way to Georgia because of the pain meds.

Starting off on the trip I am laying in the back seat with the 2 adorable pitties Daine and Beka. I fall back to sleep trying to forget about the pain in my foot and leg.  At one point I am told to sit up front so I can try to keep my ankle straight. Kristi is such a good and thoughtful friend.  While I am resting up front I wake up to find Kristi sleeping with Beka on her chest.

The story behind Beka was she wandered up to Kristi’s front yard while Kristi had her other dog , Daine, outside. Beka was very skinny and emeciated. You could see everyone of her bones. Kristi couldn’t just let her walk away so she took Beka in and gave her some food and warm shelter.  Kenneth told Kristi that if they couldn’t find a “forever home” for her that they would become her “forever home”.  I don’t know that I have ever seen a more gentle, compassionate, and loving stray dog like Beka.  Now, Daine was a pound puppy and if you didn’t know any better you would have thought by the way both dogs act with each other that they were truely sisters from the same momma.  From day 1 they have been inseperatable. They whine when they can’t be with each other or even see the other.  Look at the 2 of them… Aren’t they adorable together?

So at one point Kristi decides she wants to lay down in the back seat with the dogs and she had a little help keeping her head down.  Beka used Kristi’s head as a pillow. I couldn’t resist taking a picture of that.

Everybody is awake by the time we get to Metropolis, Ill, “Home of Superman.”  Of course we have to stop and see the sites.  We find the Ginormous statue of Superman and get our pictures taken with it.  As we are walking up to the statue Kristi nearly gets knocked out with evil superman’s cape.  She wins “first injury of the day” award then.  After she recovers from her nerological trauma, Kristi, Kenneth, the 2 teenagers (Emily and Briana), and the 2 pitties sit down in front of the statue for a Kodak moment.

And then Kristi and I got a pic taken with the pitties as well.

As we were off like a speeding bullet we come across Superman’s changing phone booth and couldn’t pass up the opportunity to have our picture taken in that.

Please remember that I am still walking on my mangled ankle despite what Kristi and her dad are trying to tell me which is to stop walking on it. Yeah, not happening.  We continue to drive and drive and drive as we sleep and sleep and sleep til we decide to pull over somewhere and check in to a motel for the night.  We let the dogs loose to stretch their legs and get everything unpacked.  Showers are taken and I decided to take a picture of my ankle 24 hours after the hole jumped up and bit me.’

It’s not really that bad. I put the wrap back on and get settled in for bed…. All of a sudden PAIN PAIN PAIN.  With each jump came more pain.  Beka got excited about being able to sleep in the bed with Kristi and I that she couldn’t contain the excitement and she landed on my ankle several times.  That is fine, I immediately forgave her after we got her settled down.  We loaded up and headed towards our destination.  Again I slept most of the time but when I was awake I caught some pretty neat and sweet pictures.

After having got to our destination and helping unload the car as much as I can, I go to the bed and start to rest.  It is New Years Eve and there is a big party outside my hotel window.  My foot starts to throb so I take a look at it and doesn’t seem too bad so I rest in bed.

Next morning my ankle feels as if it is going to bust out of the wrap and I see bruising and swelling going up my calf. NO GOOD. I show Kristi as I try to walk over to her (which was an EPIC FAIL btw) and immediately and together we both say those 2 dreadful words….. “Emergency Room”.

That is the way my ankle looked before entering the ER…. Next you will find more photos of  my ER visit.

After taking one look at my foot the Dr said I broke my fibia. I FREAK OUT. I can’t have a broken ankle, I can’t have a broken leg. I can’t be off work for 6 weeks. What are they going to do with me.  The bring X-ray techs in and they are going on and on about how awesome the bruising looks and that they love the swelling. That does not make me feel any better.  After having getting the x-rays back the Dr. comes in and says he has good news and bad news.  Good news is I didn’t “break” it.  If that is the good news then what is the bad news? The bad news is that I have one of the worst swelling and sprains he has ever seen. He wants to put a temp cast on me and put me on crutches. Poo on the crutches. Oh and he wanted to take me off my feet and work for 6 weeks. I started to cry telling him how I can’t be off work for 6 weeks so the nurse was nice enough to get me a slip for a week off. So the nurse comes in and applies my temp cast.

Plain does not suit me well not Kristi so Kristi got her Sharpies out and got creative.

Remember when I said Beka jumped all over my ankle our first night in the hotel? Well, Kristi felt it would be appropriate to put Beka wuz herz all over it. I loved it.

So my first souvenier from my trip to Georgia is my hospital band

On our way home we encountered some wonderful scenery and will share those pictures after I share this. On our way home we stop at a pet store and Kristi plays with some ferrets. The girl ferret is suppose to be the nice one and the boy the mean on.  As Kristi starts to play with the girl ferret she becomes mean and tried to bite Kristi’s finger off.  When the store workers get the ferret to let go the ferret goes back for seconds.  As Kristi and I tell each other… It’s funny until someone gets hurt then it is freaking hilarious.

Now for the wonderful scenery…

These are pictures of frozen water coming out of the mountains.

More scenery

I could show you a book full of pictures but that gives you a highlight.

God Bless and Choose Faith over Worry,

Amy King

PS… When I got home it was confirmed that I fractured my ankle and I have been in a brace since Jan. 1, 1012 to current and Dr said I have at least another 5 weeks before possible surgery. Will this keep me from going on any more with them should they ask? HECK NO!!!!.

Love you Kristi and Kenneth.

 

That’s My ______ (Fill In Blank)

During my travels in life I’ve been told or overheard – Hey, that’s my _____. We can fill in our own answers from chair, piece of pie, chocolate, shopping cart, to last turkey in the store during Thanksgiving holiday.
What constitutes ownership? Your name wasn’t on it. You weren’t using it. Just because you may have had your eye on it or had your heart sat on it does not mean it is yours. Don’t whine about it. Put your Big Girl or Big Boy pants on and find a peaceful solution. Acting like a baby does not become you.
If you get out of the chair you are no longer in possession. You snooze, you loose. Maybe the other person needed to sit down for a second because they were dizzy or not feeling well.
If the piece of pie is not on YOUR plate it is still up for grabs. Maybe the person that grabbed it hadn’t eaten in a while and may not again for a couple of days.
How about the chocolate….maybe that person has never been able to enjoy such sweetness and by giving up that chocolate you may have allowed that person an experience they never knew exisisted.
The person that got the last warm shopping cart you wanted…take a look at them. Are they old? Do they need a warm cart for their hands because they hurt? Are you that selfish that you would take such a comfort from that person?
How about the last turkey during the Thanksgiving holiday. Did you ever think that the person that took it could finally afford a turkey for the first time for his family.
I heard frome someone the other day, ”Be careful what you say or do, you could be entertaining Angels”. It made me think, ”How many times have I told someone, ”That’s My _____”. More times than I care to admit. So for 2012 I plan to be more humble and sacrificing to others because someone may need it more than we do.

God Bless and Choose Faith over Worry,
Amy

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Invisibility

 

I walk in very cheerfully with a spring in my step and a smile on my face wishing everyone a good morning.  I even address some of you by name.  I know you heard me and I knew you seen me as I was looking at you as well.  Although you were looking at me it was if you were looking through me like I was not there. As if I were INVISIBLE.

We go about our day running into each other here or bumping into each other there.  I try to say something and feel like I was heard because our eyes make contact but it is if I’m not there as you continue to walk into me.  No, not into me…. THROUGH me as if I’m not there.

It has been going on for so long that I am now used to it and expect to be unseen.  There are still times when I will stop and take a quick look in the mirror just to make sure I can see my own reflection or if I have a sign on my forehead reading “I’m not really here. Just walk over/through me”.  Better yet, I go as far as looking down at my shirt to make sure it does not read “I’m not here.”  There are some days when I will wear a shirt such as this but never when you and I are together.

I know that on any given day when you and I are in the same room or on the same street or even face to face I will be wearing an invisibility cloak that you have wrapped me in.  Is that the only way you can be in the same room with me? Am I that invisible to you that you can’t at least acknowledge me or say excuse me when you bump into me.

The idea or mention of an invisibility cloak was not made known til the first movie of Harry Potter.  After that I am sure that everyone wishes they could have one to use for any number of reasons.  I’m not going to lie, I was one of them that wished I had one myself but am finding out that I must have a built-in one that other people can turn on and off when they choose not to want to see me.

I know a lot of people feel like they are invisible to people at one time or another in their life.  I wish I knew what to say but am dealing with that myself on a day-to-day basis.  Nobody likes to feel like they are invisible.  We want to be acknowledged!  People often think that if they ignore their problems or their bills that they will just go away, be as if they never existed.  They don’t go away and people certainly aren’t going to go away by ignoring them or activating their invisibility cloak, especially people you see on a regular basis.

God Bless,

Amy

PS… This blog is not directed towards any certain person. Just something that came to mind.

 

Lazy Day

It’s been drizzling outside which calls for a lazy day.  Mom and Dad have the stomach flu so I have been avoiding them like the plague.  I have today off of work so I took Sassy for her morning ride. We went to the Post Office and then I went and did some shopping therapy.  After I got back I went to put my hair up and found Tommy (my mom’s 13 yo turtle) crawling around the bathroom which got Sassy to growling. I wonder what that turtle looks like to here crawling around my feet.  When we get back Sassy is waiting in the kitchen sitting very patiently for her treat for going outside.  My mom has her warped.  Sassy got kicked out of my dad’s room so she is pouting.  I’m don’t get a lot of days off which is perfectly fine with me but Sassy loves to spend time with me as much as she can.  I better rest up at I am teaching Zumba tonight. Hope everyone is having a very blessed day. Stay dry and stay warm.

God Bless,

Amy

PS.. Sassy is miffed at me because I am taking so long with my post.  I better turn the computer over to her. Check out her blog at http://www.thesearethedaysofmylife.wordpress.com

Nobody’s Perfect

At church today we were given our bulletin just like every Sunday morning and just like every Sunday morning I look at all the quotes posted around the bulletin.  One of today’s quotes inspired this post.  It says:

GOD IS FULLY AWARE THAT YOU AND I ARE NOT PERFECT. LET ME ADD, GOD IS ALSO FULLY AWARE THAT THE PEOPLE YOU THINK ARE PERFECT ARE NOT.

AND YET, WE SPEND SO MUCH TIME AND ENERGY COMPARING OURSELVES TO OTHERS – USUALLY COMPARING OUR WEAKNESSES TO THEIR STRENGTHS.  AS A RESULT WE NEVER CELEBRATE OUR GOOD EFFORTS BECAUSE THEY SEEM TO BE LESS THAN WHAT SOMEONE ELSE DOES.

In previous posts I have expressed feelings of not being good enough and feeling like I never will.  I strive to be the perfect person to everybody and realize there has only been and always will be only 1 perfect person.  We look around and may see someone whom we think is the perfect person or are the perfect couple but believe it or not, they are not so perfect just like you and I.  Everybody has faults and falls short but it is are faults and imperfections that makes us who we are and unique.

If everybody were perfect then what would the world be like? There is a reason that there are no two people alike.  Not even twins are exactly the same.  Everybody has strengths and weaknesses and that is the way God intended for it to be.

The next time you look at someone and think how perfect they are remember that they are not so perfect. Stop comparing your weakness to their strengths.  Celebrate you good efforts even though they seem to be less that what someone else does. That someone may be comparing their weaknesses to your strengths.  Weaknesses can actually be a good thing. It is God’s way of teaching us humility.

God Bless and Choose Faith over Fear,

Amy

Nightmares

Everyone asks me to describe my nightmare as if that is going to help and  make it go away. Well, I can tell you that the picture above shows how I feel every time I close my eyes to sleep.  I feel paralyzed , broken, unable to scream for help.  No matter how hard I try to scream and break away, still nobody hears me or helps.  I am plaqued by the same reoccurring nightmare night after night after night after night.  It has been almost a year and I feel somewhat safer living with my parents but I feel like I can’t trust anyone nor will I ever. I get anxiety panic attacks when I am in large groups, especially where there are men involved.  I won’t let ANYONE sit next to me anywhere unless I am with my mom and she is the only person I want to sit next to.  She is my safe person, someone who knows me inside and out, knows my nightmares and still does not judge me and loves me unconditionally.

I have thought about getting a dream catcher but wondered if they even worked.  I dream in very vivid colors and that makes the nightmares worse because as I see the horror on my face I feel stuck unable to do anything about it.  Some people tell me to do what I can in my dream to change something that happens and maybe I can change the outcome.  This isn’t inception, this is real life.  This isn’t a thought that was planted in my head…. This is my nightmare, my burden and my burden alone.

Will my nightmares ever end? Will I ever feel safe around anyone? Is my life destined to be alone, scared, and broken?  Don’t know about the future but as for right now the nightmares have not let up, some nights they are worse.  Right now I don’t feel safe around anyone by my parents, and as of right now I feel very alone, scared, and broken

God Bless and Choose Faith over Worry,

Amy

Frustration… Sometimes you just have to let it out

Frustration…. Sometimes you just have to let it out.  Today at work as some customers were discussing what they were going to have to eat I allowed them time to do that as I went to wash some tables off.  Yes I walked right past them without helping them because in my opinion they didn’t need any at the time.  As another girl went to help them after they decided what they wanted to eat she loudly tells the cook, “She just walked right past them without even helping them.”  Well, I was miffed by this as 1) if she had a problem with what I was doing she needed to come to me and 2) she didn’t need to be rude and loud to where everyone could hear her.

I politely ask this girl if I could speak to her in the back room and let her know that if she had something to say to me about something I was or wasn’t doing then she needed to let me know in private and not complain to other people or be loud and rude in front of the customers.  Well, that didn’t go over very well with her because she got very loud again and said that she didn’t say anything to the cook, she was just making the comment in general.  I again told her nicely that she needed to bring her problems about me to me.

She storms away from me and proceeds to banter with me where the customers can hear her loud voice saying if I did my job then she wouldn’t have to be this way.  I calmly comment that I do my job. She returns by saying not according to anyone else that works there.  Well, the more she said the louder she got and so all I said is she needed to be respectful.  However, her last comment which was, the day you sign my paycheck I will do what you say, until then forget it.

This girl has been at this job the longest and I would have expected some sort of professionalism from her but obviously not. My last words to her were, “That’s real professional”.  I may not be the most favorite at my job but I do my job and have many ways to prove it.  Nobody there has to love me or even like me but we are a team and it works better if everyone can be respectful of the other employees no matter their feelings toward the other employees.

God Bless and Choose Faith over Worry,

Amy

Tired and Broken (Debbie Downer Post)

Since February 27, 2011 when a very frightening event happened to me I have felt tired and broken. I have tried since that time to change myself in any way I can so I feel that I am good enough.  So much was taken from me on the very terrifying evening.  I thought I would never have this kind of trouble trusting people even if it is a little. I feel there is no one I can trust with the emotional rollercoaster I go through on a daily basis.  I get scared and panicky whenever someone quickly approaches me, I am scared to have my back to the door (also a OCD thing), I feel broken emotionally, spiritually, physically, and psychologically. How does someone come back from such a terrible thing? How do I feel whole again? Every day I feel a little bit weaker and eventually I feel like there will be nothing left.  I am tired of fighting the nightmares.  I am tired of reliving the pain and the screaming.  No one helped me then and no matter how much I scream now still no one helps me.  I am scared to be around other people and scared they might find out what happened that day.  I try to hide the scars but somehow they start to show themselves and people start to take notice that I am not the person I use to be. My strength is gone, I no longer feel independent, It’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning knowing that I am just going through the motions of life and not really living.  I am tired and broken and I don’t want to be that person anymore but also know that I will never be good enough no matter what I do.  Sorry this is such a Debbie Downer blog but had somethings to get off my chest. Maybe I will be able to sleep a tab more peacefully tonight.

God Bless,

Amy